Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Confessions Of A Hot Mess Slacker Mom with Pictorials

Howdy, camo lovers!

I suppose you think I left this blog in the dust. Well, that is partly true, partly false. Making sensical? Nah. I just really didn't have anything outstanding to share and posts. Scary, quite frankly, that I would have nothing important or dramatic to say.


Oh. Boy.

There is no use in catching you up to date because that would be a boring waste of my time and about 15 minutes off your life you couldn't get back.

I signed up for a Spartan race next summer. Why? Because I'm crazy. Another reason is because the price was sliced in super sale in order to generate some interest so I decided to try it out. It has been many years since I have competed in an obstacle course and now is the time to really get rolling.

Bug just got her learner's permit. I was proud she passed it and now we have to log hours. and they have to be parent approved, parent co piloted, and I had to sign for financial responsibility at the state BMV for anything she does while driving. Fuck Me In The Ass. I also had to sign sworn affidavits that I am the one who gets sued. Where's her father in all this? Oh...yeah. No where. In another state. Indiana is rigid for teen driving. I am not opposed to that. I think it is a pretty good plan. However, I am super NOT HAPPY about the privatization of driver's education. Holy balls! If I want her to do that it is $500 and the school does not sponsor it. It is a private company. But my insurance rates are literally going to be unaffordable without out. Yep, they have you by the balls.

All this teen driving and driver's education costs has me frazzled. I am pretty sure it is a government conspiracy to give parents heart attacks to keep the cardiologists in business, thus jacking up insurance rates to make everyone love Obamacare and keeping the government in business with all this regulation and fees.

Do I sound like those way left or right wing conspiracy theorists? Not yet? Maybe I should try harder.

As for me, I am still here working out trying to lose weight, going to grad school, trying to restore homes, working a full time job, being a slacker mom,and always a hot mess. Still single. Men just don't work out for me.It's sad really, because I really like sex. I really like to be active. I like all kinds of things and I am a generous person but I am too independent and strong willed and my own person. BUT I do like to be treated like a princess and a lady. It just isn't happening. I know how to pick 'em. I also have gotten stood up. Do you know how long that has been since that has happened? Like freshman year in college. And that guy was a dick so God was watching out for me. I seriously would consider women if I was attracted to them because they at least are on the same page, but alas, no sexual desires that direction. I'm just not gay.

I mean, who doesn't want to hang out with this hot mess?
I wear pigtails for Pete's Sake. 

My office manager got after me today for my attire. Literally. She ripped my ass for wearing clothes that are too sexy for the office lately. I was like fucking kidding me, right? This is what I wore today: grey on top with black pants and black shoes. I look like a freaking school marm. But it is colder than a witch's tit in this office so this is what I look like today.

I know. I look tired and old. It's part of my outfit. 

And this is what I wore last Friday because Friday we can wear jeans and dress like slobs. I chose to dress like a college student.
No camouflage. Rats. I will work on that.

Mostly, I wear shirts up to my neck and pants or a long skirt. It really isn't even exciting. NOR is it really fashionable. I wear fun things after work. So this all struck me as weird. One time I got quips for wearing cross necklaces and they came at me like..."you like a lot of crosses, I see." I work in international programs so it raises bells. I wear them proudly because it is what I am. I love Jesus. Fuck 'em. I know, God, I'm sorry. But in my defense it was to uphold my Christianity and religious freedom.

Last Tuesday, I wore this and even pulled the shirt up so my boob crack didn't show. I did not get one "talking to" that day:

Did not go to work with boob crack showing.
I pulled that shirt up higher and adjusted prior to work.

So this is a mystery. And I am beginning to think that I can't do anything right in her eyes. It really is hard sometimes for me to separate the things I think are just office culture and business versus personal attacks. But...guess what...I just blow it off. No sexual pun intended there. I do have some great bosses and they actually have complimented me on my suits and other attire by saying it is nice someone in the office has dressed for success. And I don't have to get down on my knees either. Whew. That creates a lot of jaw issues and complicated positions to get up from because at my age...things don't work as spry as they used even as soon as 5 years ago. all honesty...I know the difference between class and trash. I will be shoulders back, head high, and tits up to work. And for all you snobby nosed personnel who think tasteful fashion is something you have to mock or put someone down for...shame on you. Just because you want to look like a frumpy dumpycus doesn't mean I have to nor does anyone else. Dress who you are and dress appropriately for work. That's the rules. 

Keep you nastiness to yourself. Don't be a nasty woman. Yes, pun there intended.