Sunday, January 17, 2016

Coffee Tables

Even though my daughter has Generational Hormonal Outbursts, she is a really good kid. There is no concrete medical treatment for this problem. Believe me,  I have researched it thoroughly until the cows come home. I think I'm starting to see the forest through the trees. These teenager years have been a struggle.

There are those who mock my parenting and say I am too strict and expect too much. That stuff lingers on my mind because as a parent you worry about having the right balance. I don't want to put too much pressure on my child, but I don't want her to be an asshole either. I know I am mean and probably rule with too much sarcasm around here, but it is what it is. These are the stages starting at 12 years of age that I have experienced with Bug...bless her heart. Can anyone else relate?

Stage 1: UFOs Are For Real.
          Phase 1: Communication efforts to the mother ship are futile.
          Phase 2: Aliens are complicated creatures.
          Phase 3: Where do they store the human kids when they make the exchange?
          Phase 4: Parents are stupid
          Phase 5: I HATE EVERYTHING!
          Phase 6: Teen-Parent Texting Protocol
          Phase 7: Cell phones are the devil.

Stage 2: Sensitivity Training
          Phase 1: Parents learn how to tip toe as a way of life.
          Phase 2: Everything sets "them" off.
          Phase 3: MMA moves are visionary.
          Phase 4: Parents enter "The Fuck It" mode.
          Phase 5: NO!
          Phase 6: Google Parenting
Stage 3: Identification of Humanoid Factors
          Phase 1: Teen Hygiene-takes hours and includes selfies on Instagram.
          Phase 2: Light Signals (the new smoke signals)fail in an effort to reach the mother ship.
          Phase 3: eBay listing of alien teenager. No bids.
          Phase 4: Excessive Google search history for "How To Understand Teenagers".
          Phase 5: Interruptus Buttkus

Stage 4: Sybil meets Predator and Dracula
          Phase 1: Saging of Home
          Phase 2: House Blessings
          Phase 3: Space and Time Cleansing
          Phase 4: Garlic and cross necklaces for survival

Stage 5: The Month of March
          Phase 1: In like a lion, out like a lamb
          Phase 2: The mother ship returns
          Phase 3: Signs of human behavior
          Phase 4: Young adulting
          Phase 5: Individualityschmality

My battles have been many. Perhaps I didn't always pick the right ones to fight. To be a perfect parent is impossible, but I guess I am learning I can be full of love and support to help my child grow into her best potential. If she has suffered any emotional scarring from divorce or errors in parenting, then I hope she has made herself strong to overcome my mistakes.

We give our kids roots. It is important to make them strong. Weak roots have a tough time adapting to the environment and may not survive strong storms. But then they become a coffee table.

Ok. So maybe that wasn't a very good story.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good

We hang our head low today at The Harry Potter House. I write this with callused keyboard hands because I am still in the work force. I did not win the lottery. Maybe I should aspire to becoming a famous YouTuber. It would probably yield higher results.

Mourning heavily and carrying on with much devastation over the loss of Professor Snape is also in the works here. He passed away today. For reals. RIP Alan Rickman.


We (Bug, The Momster) are super over the top crazy nauseating and full force ridiculous Harry Potter Fans. Books. Movies. The Magic of it. Fantasy. Moral lessons. All of it. When I brought her into the house for the first time, she squealed with joy that we had a "Harry Potter" closet. I didn't even notice the resemblance until she said something. She would open it and get in there and play. Now it is stuffed with junque. I need to clean and organize it pronto.

The house then became forever known as The Harry Potter House. Now it just needs a paint job on the outside to match. Brown. Ok, maybe I won't go that far. We were working on a Colonial Blue with Civil War (grayish) trim, Jefferson White porch, and a Dragon Red screen door. Not a flag type house, but a contemporary spin of the era it was born. Spring-Summer project.

Colonial Blue
The colors in this image are my inspiration. Civil War gray is the trim color around this door. I looks so gloomy. But wait until I get it on the house! It will be spectacular!

The pressure of Hogwarts Honor classes are taking a toll on Bug. I fear she has inherited her mother's overachieving ways and makes an emotional wreckage of cramming nights and test days. At least three days prior to a test, I see her unravel. I, myself, did not study in high school. BUT...I still got upset if I got a B. It was college where this anxiety of testing and failure came into play. Maybe because it was real life stuff and I did not adult until later. Actually, I'm not there yet. It's a problem for me.

As for me and my woes, I've discovered the Antarctic cold temperatures are not that bad but I did enjoy the balmy 50 degree winter we were having or prolonged Indian Summer, if you will. No more running outside for me. I seek the gym. In Wyoming, I recall running outside even in my Carharts. They added extra weight. What a dweeb. Now that I am an older type pussy, I look forward to the running track where I can sweat without succumbing to becoming a frozen Popsicle inside my winter wardrobe.

I have to go find my funny. Rest in peace, Professor Snape. Your outstanding roles and screen greats will be remembered as classics some day and you will surely be missed by all your fans and Hollyweird.