Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Can We Get Any More Random?

Bug is back from her Wyoming visitation and after a week of decompression and Momster moments, I think she has settled back down. It is always a tough time. I still can't get her to mow the grass without rude comments, threats, and bribery. I have failed. Back in the day (decades ago) when I was a kid and we walked up hill both ways to and from school, I just did things because I knew they were mine to do. My parents didn't have to scold me or bribe me. I did it out of respect because that is what you were supposed to do. That...and they could kill you.



Haha.

Yes. Parents actually had authority over kids and respect. Where did we go wrong?

Summer is sailing past me like a whistle fart. I can't get a grasp on anything. My writing sucks. My paid writing sucks even more badder. I can't finish two books I have started. Currently, I am mostly involved with working out, being a mom, keeping a clean house, and well...life.

Life gets in the way.

And bills. They keep coming and I don't want them anymore. I think I missed the right turn where I ran into a prince charming who would take care of me. My mom keeps telling me I am my own prince charming. She is a feminist. I really don't like that era of femiNazis. They can kiss my ass.

I want to be taken care of and treated like a princess like my dad said.



You other women can be self-sufficient. I don't like it anymore.

I need a little cheese to go with that whine. It is funny how I am the opposite of my mother. I like men. She does not. I like the companionship and well...sex is great! She does not.

Please, God, don't let me every not like sex. Sex is awesome! Also, could I please get more of it. Please and thank you.

It's a problem at my age. Men can't keep up with me and I surely don't want to tangle with any young ones that can. I would have to put a garbage sack over their heads so I didn't feel like a pedophile and then once they started talking...duct tape. That then might make me a serial killer.



So...I say no to the cougar thingy.

Another reason why my sex drive is going through the roof more than normal is my workout load. If you increase exercise...you increase those sex doping thingies they call endorphins. I have no idea how we get dolphins in there. Some man probably named it that because how else would they refer to women's parts as tuna taco or the other fishy things. Ew. Gross.

I am seeing great progress in my workouts. Finally. Just in case you were wondering...to get an old lady back into shape takes an act of God. God gives me progress with an increased sex drive and no Dwayne Johnson to take care of the problem. Sigh.



Whew. It's getting hot in here. Speaking of heat...

Weather this summer has been all over the place. One day it is 93 with 54000% humidity and the next day I wake up to 55 with a high of 75. We have had little rain which means little tornado activity. Now...I'm not complaining about the lack of twisters, but the rain thingy is becoming pretty dire.

"They" say we are in a drought. Well, I have been in years of drought, baby, and rain once a week ain't no drought. This is not a real crisis, spoiled people of the near south. Can't you squeeze that condensation out of the air and water the crops?

I don't know. I still don't fit in around here although I am really trying. How many years does it take you to adjust to a new culture?




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