Monday, February 1, 2016

When Your Attitude Has Flatlined

Do you ever have days where you just feel blah-zay? There may not be a reason nor any tragic event, yet the motivation factor has left my body. Not finding any rhyme or reason kind of bothers me. If my brain were hooked up to an EKG machine, it would be a straight line. Probably. I don't think they work on the brains, but anyway, it would look like that. Hopefully, it is not the beginning of a hormonal episode due to my body being knocked off kilter from a surgery. I do know it has not affected my sex drive which has been on overdrive for a few years causing my budget to be affected by excessive purchases of batteries. 

Shhh, no one cares.

This I know. 

To spark some funny in our bones, I should share with you the latest development in my vagina diaries. I had surgery on January 5 regarding my asshole uterus which got invaded by cysts and fibroids and some unknown mass. So far, the bills streaming in have reached $31,000. I really do have the golden pussy. 

Anyhow, Saturday I received this lovely form which is mandatory by my insurance which says I recently had medical services which may be related to an accident or injury. Really? 

Lovely Anthem Questionnaire: mandatory for insured people suffering from vagina trauma

Dear Anthem,

I did not fall on my vagina. I also cannot recall any "trauma" it may have suffered except for lack of regular sex with a real person. I also did not injure my vagina or uterus by any means nor did I engage in some super crazy rough sex which would have caused it to fall out. I wish I had, because, wouldn't that be fun? 

Sometimes when you are old, your uterus decides to be an asshole. Many women across the world have issues later in life, some even earlier. If you were a real medical insurance provider, you would know this is common. 

In fact, my vagina is just fine and injury free. (Picture enclosed).  You may also obtain a picture of my uterus (view from the inside) from my doctor as they did use a hoohah scope and perform a biopsy while I was knocked out. Unfortunately, I was not provided one. 

Do you need the melon baller scrapings from my uterus or will the doctor's report on the findings suffice? I'm pretty sure that was discarded by the hospital. Hopefully, they did not use them in some freak medical study or art project. You never know these days. However, I did draw you to the best of my abilities what my uterus looked like prior to surgery.  See below:

It did take about 3 weeks for the distention to go down and the flush to happen. Once that occurred, I felt better and was able to function as a normal barren woman. The spot bleeding was really annoying and there was no way I could wear winter white. 

Anyway, I hope this helps. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me. 

Whew. I feel better. 


  1. You've written enough about you hoo hah you might as well just post photos and be done with it.

  2. LOL. That made me choke on my raspberries this morning.

  3. Momma Fargo:
    While I do read EVERY post you choose to put here, I finally admit to an acute case of "TMI"...LMAO.
    (not laughing AT you, know that).

    I will say that "total amount" is about $25K too high (imho).
    Thanks, Obummercare.
    I mean, that's the price of a decent NEW set of wheels, for God's sake!
    (hopefully a vehicle WITHOUT recalls).

    Sure hope there are NO RECALLS with your surgical procedures, either...that would be "awkward".
    (("we think we forgot a sponge or something...maybe".
    Cost: $5k for their f$ck-up)).
    No thanks.

    Stay strong and roll safe down there, dear.