There are those who mock my parenting and say I am too strict and expect too much. That stuff lingers on my mind because as a parent you worry about having the right balance. I don't want to put too much pressure on my child, but I don't want her to be an asshole either. I know I am mean and probably rule with too much sarcasm around here, but it is what it is. These are the stages starting at 12 years of age that I have experienced with Bug...bless her heart. Can anyone else relate?
Stage 1: UFOs Are For Real.
Phase 1: Communication efforts to the mother ship are futile.
Phase 2: Aliens are complicated creatures.
Phase 3: Where do they store the human kids when they make the exchange?
Phase 4: Parents are stupid
Phase 5: I HATE EVERYTHING!
Phase 6: Teen-Parent Texting Protocol
Phase 7: Cell phones are the devil.
Stage 2: Sensitivity Training
Phase 1: Parents learn how to tip toe as a way of life.
Phase 2: Everything sets "them" off.
Phase 3: MMA moves are visionary.
Phase 4: Parents enter "The Fuck It" mode.
Phase 5: NO!
Phase 6: Google Parenting
Stage 3: Identification of Humanoid Factors
Phase 1: Teen Hygiene-takes hours and includes selfies on Instagram.
Phase 2: Light Signals (the new smoke signals)fail in an effort to reach the mother ship.
Phase 3: eBay listing of alien teenager. No bids.
Phase 4: Excessive Google search history for "How To Understand Teenagers".
Phase 5: Interruptus Buttkus
Phase 1: Saging of Home
Phase 2: House Blessings
Phase 3: Space and Time Cleansing
Phase 4: Garlic and cross necklaces for survival
Stage 5: The Month of March
Phase 1: In like a lion, out like a lamb
Phase 2: The mother ship returns
Phase 3: Signs of human behavior
Phase 4: Young adulting
Phase 5: Individualityschmality
My battles have been many. Perhaps I didn't always pick the right ones to fight. To be a perfect parent is impossible, but I guess I am learning I can be full of love and support to help my child grow into her best potential. If she has suffered any emotional scarring from divorce or errors in parenting, then I hope she has made herself strong to overcome my mistakes.
We give our kids roots. It is important to make them strong. Weak roots have a tough time adapting to the environment and may not survive strong storms. But then they become a coffee table.
Ok. So maybe that wasn't a very good story.