Sunday, July 5, 2015

The Turd Boat to Bozo Town

Have you ever experienced clarity? I don't think they are long moments of time. I believe they are glimpses in which God takes a 2 x 4 to our head, only in a nice way.

For example, yesterday I stepped outside and the grass was so green it pierced my eyes. I ran last night and I could taste the air, smell all the scents, and the fire flies lit up the fields.

Or you have those moments where there is so much love in your heart, it is going to burst.

That's the mother fucking clarity I'm talking about.

Coming back to life from an energy deficient metabolic hiatus is no easy task. Now that I have seen the other side again, I don't want to go back to that unhealthy state. I can't imagine why I got used to living in pain and fatigue. I was existing in a fog and not really living life. It isn't the first time. I have had other stages where these phases have taken over a chunk of time. I call them Twilight Zones.

Trying to tackle fat is a challenge, however, I would feel better if my fat screamed when I exercised. I'm sadistic like that. It would make me feel good to get even with it. 

Sometimes I jump on my pillows half naked and pretend I am pounding fat. Not really.
How many of us take selfies standing on our bed like this? Like no one.

I feel the same about food which does not agree with me.  There is good food and mean food. It's just like the rest of the world. If it has a boxing match in my stomach, I want revenge. However, beating a tomato doesn't give me much satisfaction.

I want to hit it back like with a baseball bat, but by the time I figure out I need to retaliate against food, it's too late. That would really hurt my stomach. And once it leaves the body, well, it's just poop. That pretty much defeats the purpose. I try talking to my food and tell it to be nice to me before I eat it but it doesn't listen.

This disturbs me. At first glance, oh cute baby thing. Then you think about it. You are eating a baby. Just gross.

Have you ever thought about how unfair fat is to a person? First, while you are exercising, you have to keep telling yourself to keep going. It always tries to talk you out of it. Fat is the negative voice in your head. And then fat makes your brain wander off track and think of ice cream and chocolate. That's why I have music blaring in my head-to shut off the voices. Second, you get treated differently when you are fat, even snarled at, frowned upon, or discriminated against.

So what are we supposed to do? Think of that perfect body we are going to have? Is that motivation or obsession? What about thinking about being healthy and feeling good? Meh. That's pretty blah-zay. It doesn't motivate me at the time, it makes me feel good later.

How about fantasizing about slapping skin with Dwayne Johnson? Well, it is an orgasmic moment which passes,  but it doesn't motivate me because it isn't going to happen. Imagine being fit and...nope...does nothing for my motivation.

How about other types of fantasizing for motivation? Hmmm.

I don't read romance novels either so I can't escape the reality of being alone without a man. So I don't imagine one whispering he wants to put his sword in my sheath. Yeah. That's why I hate romance novels. They are corny. And I really don't need someone's manhood throbbing between my thighs or poking me in the butt while I am trying to cut melons. It is neither practical nor realistic to think women walk around the kitchen nekkid waiting for our man in a loincloth to come home with his beast kill for the evening feast, drop it on the floor, and stick it to us before sitting down for a mug of slog.


So creative thoughts about me being Fargo Barbie do not enter my head. I don't have a Ken.

The really great thing? I am getting healthy for only myself and it has always been about that no matter what stage in my life I got fit. It has to be about what is inside. We have to be happy with ourselves no matter what size or flavor we are.

I really don't know anymore which thoughts, incentives, or actions inspire me to exercise. Perhaps opposites attract and I don't want to go back to that dark place. Maybe it is the fact I feel great when I am done. No one ever walked out of a gym and hated the fact they went.

Things which motivated me in the past, don't now. For instance, I had to past a rigorous PT test for cophood. I don't now.  I have just gotten into a routine and guilt has taken over if I slack off. I guess it works.

Maybe if someone was running in front of me with a Cadbury Crème Egg or a beer, that would motivate me to go faster.

I started to surf Pinterest for new exercises, or motivating articles with some different running schedules, but nothing really kept my interest. I can't help but wish I had been born with better genetics which gave me a healthy body I didn't have to work for.

I have never heard of exercises which make your clothes fall off. I just called it sex. This article has to be about sex moves.  I remember it to be better with a partner.

I really don't have all the answers to why we have moments of clarity nor why we lose it to lengths of weakness and get lost in our lives. Maybe we check out for a while. Maybe. Aliens. Are. Real.
Before I realize I have checked out, time has swallowed months, maybe years. Maybe I am the only one who has these issues. But I don't think so. Alien abductions are reported all over the world. I don't remember anything about the mother ship except they feed you ice cream and lots of take out.
Maybe aliens are the natives to Earth and humans are the intruders.
Not really.
I go through bozo moments.
I have to kick my own ass on occasion. I'm going to kick this body into high gear and get inspirized by a headless figure. I used to have a stomach like this. When I checked out, aliens took it with them and replaced it. Bastards.
But what about our journey? What happens to the inside when we work on the outside? I started by taking a before picture with some words which sum me up in three sentences. In a few months, I will take another picture and see what the camera captures inside and out. Maybe we all need clarifying moments and silly tasks to look at ourselves through different lenses.
Whatever floats your boat. It's a terrible saying. I say-Paddle your ass through the water. Turds float.
Don't Be A Turd!


  1. Momma Fargo:
    I read you loud & clear on that CLARITY gig...there are some mornings when it ALL seems worthwhile...and by that, I mean all the crap that comes floating our wy...(then some jackhole comes along and messes up that perfect moment).
    Damn, I hate when that happens,.

    As for the Cadbury Egg and BOTH up here and I can run in front of you with either (or both) on a pole...LOL.

    Also, not a damn thing wrong with that "before" picture, Kiddo.

    Very good and thought-provoking post.

    Stay safe down there, dear.

  2. I can not imagine you thinking you are fat.. have you seen me lately? When you look like this you can complain about being fat.. since I'm pushing 60.. not a chance in hell I can ever run again to get in shape. Not a chance in hell I'm going to get on my bike and ride 12 miles like I did.. or sling hay bales, or baby calves.. to stay in shape. Find me a trike, I may consider using it to go get the mail.. a half a block away..

    Stop putting yourself down.. you are not fat.. you are a person her drives herself to perfection because of your past job.. but fat.. I think not..

    love ya girlfriend..

  3. Here's a motivation for ya. If you get fit, I'll give ya some. What a great reward... Coffey straight from the spout.