Sunday, June 14, 2015

Pondering Life's Silly Questions and Answers

You have to become lost before you can find yourself. How lost do you have to be? Like pond scum lost, floating on the surface lost,  or all the way to China lost? I really don't know.

I'm in love with cities I have never been to and intrigued by people I have never met. I long for a place where I am grounded, yet try to ground myself in every place.

Sometimes the way you think of a person isn't really actually how they are. Scary, isn't? I hope some of those people whom I think how they are, are not clowns, or serial killers. I could deal with anything else. Well, not just anything. But close.

Did you know the best way to end a friendship is to find out your friend is a child molester.

Some people are superficial or only talk to you when you are skinny, but distance themselves from you when you are fat.

Maybe your personality or quirks are off-putting to some people. Then you are called, "different." Only dead fish go with the flow.

Why are we so hung up on physical appearance? I've been both skinny or fat...many times. Not at the same time. That would be weird.   I know what it is like to be ignored and have too much attention. I do know I am happy with myself when I am healthy, fit, and average weight for my frame. I don't have to be a size 2. I don't know how I look, but I do know how I feel. I mean, what do you see? No matter how many times we look at ourselves in the mirror, do we see ourselves as we really are, how we want to be, or size justified? I think mirrors lie. Bastards.

I know pounds have appeared-just like that- at different times in my life which just sneak up unannounced. How did they get there? Beats me. To get rid of them, you might think of them as Cousin Nerman. You can't get rid of them. You have to be rude about it.

We elevate people up and put them on a pedestal, when in reality they are just a person. Wouldn't it be fun to take one of those giant soft hammer things and knock the queens off their perches just once? It's like that came of Whammit with the moles.

Wouldn't you like one person to swoon over you? Just once? It's not a graceful bird. It's fainting. Really? We want someone to faint when they see us? How would you ever get through a first date? Sex might be difficult. You would be like...:yes, yes, yes....and then...oh, no, no, no...wake up!" If they could make it three minutes maybe. Nah. It wouldn't work.

Wouldn't you like your intelligence to be awed? Just once?

What would your most memorable photograph be and why? Have you ever shared it?

Was it on a porn site? In the news? On the mug shots?

Have you ever taken nude pics of yourself? Looked at them? Sent them? Quit gasping and giggling. You know it.

Do you show off your boobs in selfies? On purpose? Just a little? On accident? Like...whooo...they just popped out of there. How did that happen? Bra malfunction! Whoopsy! Didn't see it!'s OK to show the girls. You are only sexy at those times you feel sexy. Then you will be happy you did it. Because one day, people will be like, "What are those grape things down by your feet? Cute pedicure!"

Pets are put on this earth for a short time. It is our privilege to be a guardian to them, give them love, care, food, water, and love and kisses and love.  And for that, in return, we have joy they bring to our lives.

Did you know that everything is survivable except the last thing? It really should be a statement and not a question. I hope my last thing is epic like saving a baby and that I don't die taking a poop. Please, God, don't let me die taking a poop.

Or with a vibrator. Could you imagine? Is that a natural death or accidental? Your epitaph might read, "She went out with a bang." Those people died with dildos.

We should think of everything as an adventure, but not people. They are not conquests. They are part of the journey. People are gifts. Sometimes they are the elephant prize. Other times, they are like Cadbury Crème eggs or divine wine.

Isn't it funny how characters in books say the most amazing things, but in reality you never hear it uttered? I thank Jesus, no man ever told me he was going to put his sword in my shaft. What about when you read "he heaved next to her naked glistening body"? Did he puke or was he aroused? I'm not sure.  For these reasons, I find romance novels corny.

Nothing every happens like we imagine it or dream it. That one thing that tugs at your heart. One thing you really, really, really want. What if once, just once, it did?


  1. Momma Fargo:
    I really love this post for a lot of raasons (but not the dying with a dildo thing)
    I admire the way you can get us thinking deeply in one sentence and then by the nexxt, having us laugh our butts off.

    Dying taking a poop?
    Not if Elvis came to take me

    Agree on the pets...I'd be lost(er) without them, and yet, they leave a real hole in your heart when they pass.

    Memorable photographs?
    Hell, EVERY one is memorable for itself, and never took any that I never wanted to not show to others in an album (they still ahve those, right?)

    And, I would NEVER think that ANY question is silly as long as someone is asking it (and seeking a valid answer).
    That's how we LEARN, even if it';s by listening to ourselves.

    Excellent post.

    Roll safe down there, dear.

  2. What do I feel about how people see/think of me? I don’t. I could care less. As long as I am happy (or at least somewhat pleased) with me, then why should I worry about what others think of me? I have to live my life, not theirs. If they don’t like something I say or how I look, then it is their problem. Not mine! If they are critical of what I say, then let them wallow in their self-righteousness. But I believe that if you take the time to learn me, you will really like who you see and will make a fantastic friend for life… or until you fuck with me. And about those nude photos...