Monday, June 22, 2015

Infusion Confusion

The Harry Potter House has been pretty sullen lately. My AC went out in my hoopty plus the wheel bearings or something in the front end are popping. I know I am driving on borrowed wheels. Then, I ate some fish that made me sick. Lovely. There is nothing worse to be sick on than fish. It's like your mouth tastes and smells like the worst odoriferous vagina on the block. At least I assume that because I have never tasted vagina but I've smelled a few. Don't ask. It was while I was in a previous profession.

If it weren't for the poochies, I think I would have guessed that Draco Malfoy had taken up residence in the house. After realizing this weekend that I am depressing myself, I made a list of things to take action on and get done post haste.

It started with a much needed attitude adjustment. Plus, I recognized that I had not pooped in quite some time (two days) so that meant my shit was backed up. Such discomforts and irregular body activity really puts a damper on your mood and digestion.

If you ever wanted a poop pillow, you can find that here...

I'm pretty sure every household should have one proudly displayed on the sofa. At least he is a happy poop. 

I decided to up the ante on the poop factory dealio and entice it to exit my body by cooking and consuming Thai chicken with vegetables. The smell alone should have caused massive diarrhea. It makes a body poop good. I followed it up by picking some raspberries and mulberries for the week. I should be good to go. Maybe I should write a cookbook entitled: Poop Infusions. Think of how many people I could help. 

Now, since my boss said I was making authentic Thai recipes out of my head and this was just amazing, I can really identify with my Thai ancestry. I must have been Thai in a former life or some line of heritage someone somewhere leaped over to the Asian continents and did some diddling. 

It's an inherent talent. My cooking. Not diddling. 

On an equally amazing feat, I have been identifying with my Native American ancestry by association. I think that is possible. It's like Rachel Dolezal was a genius and started this new psychological phenomenon. 

When I was a kid, our ranch foreman's wife was of Native American descent and I really enjoyed being educated on the culture. I am pretty sure she and her husband smoked a little whacky tobaccy a few times. Nonetheless, they taught me a lot about native culture and horses. So, I have found some herbal infusions I need to try for heeling runners injuries, inflammation, and preventing arthritis and cancer. 
herbal tea infusions:

Maybe it will even taste good. I will certainly post pics and let you know if it is just great sun tea or nature's miracle. Just so you know, tumeric is a wonder drug. 

My tea infusion is going to look like this pile of crap because that's how I roll...

This is also looks amazingly fun...
Making infused honey. 
The only problem with infused honey, is the green shit might get stuck between your teeth. Flowers are great to wear, but not hanging off your incisors. That is not appealing at all.  Also, something to take into consideration is what good is honey if it is just pretty to look at? Oh, well, it's worth a try. But not too much of a try because honey is expensive and if you don't like it, too bad. Eat it anyway. The bees are precious and so is their work. It's not fair you ruined it.


  1. I like Thai food, but not the real spicy stuff. And, until a couple of weeks ago, I would have swapped asses with you. I have had diarrhea kind of bad for almost a year. Judy finally made me go to the gut doctor and he told me it was the Metformin I was taking (and have taken for many years). I stopped that, adjusted another pill consumption (per my pcp) and now I am happy to say I am full of shit again.

  2. Momma Fargo: and GAWD...!!!
    Sorry to hear about the Fargomobile.
    If it'll make you feel better, the A/C hasn't worked in MY car for over a DECADE
    (I do mean to get that taken care of...someday before I croak)
    Ditto for the front seatbelts (they don;t retract).

    As for the front-end noise...could be wheel bearing, but they like the SQUEAL (like a perp with his balls in a vice)....not "pop". They could clunk, but that would seem more like a brake issue. Does the car pull to one side? That's a clue right there.

    You got some interesting concoctions going on with the tea & honey.
    Let me know how it turns out (and if you poop
    Maybe NOT that last one...

    Good post, Kiddo.

    Hang tough and stay safe down there, dear.

  3. This shit makes no sense.
    full of shit, shittin shit.. need to shit.. shit a brick.. what the shit?
    No clue what is going on? Did you make this shit? or you need to make this shit so you can shit? wait, you were shitting, then you stopped shitting? You're so full of shit.. oh look gin.. bye