Tuesday, June 2, 2015

7 Degrees of Fargo Feelosophy

Dear God,

 It's me, Fargo. Give me some brains. Not trains. Not pains. Not the plains. Not planes. 


I love you.

Please help me with brains. 

Thank you. 

Wait. Maybe I should have said smarts. Not farts. Not parts. 

Intelligence. That's it!

Thank you, God! Don't forget. I need help. Thanks.


During life, philosophical things tickle our fancy or spark our giggles a time or two. Perhaps they are from lessons learned and resurface later when we are wiser, or hit us at that AHA Moment. I know all this, but I still make wrong choices. Gah.

Let me introduce you to some profound bits in my life:

1) Do not let the men fool you. Do not fool yourself. When someone tells you they like your eyes, your hair, and/or your personality...you do not meet the requirements for a girlfriend. Or how about, "You look small in my big car." Really. So I'm fat, but this car makes my butt look small? Yeah. The worst: "She has a nice personality". Blah.

Oh, it is so nice to hear sometimes any compliment when you are desperate or lonely or both.

But not those. Like ever.

Perhaps they only focus on your physical attributes. They are shallow like their gene pool. Swim in other waters.

Don't be fooled by physical attraction or seemingly physical attraction. Men can fake that.

Now a guy will bone you for no other reason than you are a hole to put the pecker in, so sex does not equal love. Pay attention to words but more importantly to actions. When the pecker is in the vagina, he is not looking at your personality, eyes, or hair. Nor does he care about what house you are going to live in together and brood of children you are going to raise.

He is looking to get off. Know the difference between a relationship and sex. Sometimes it takes practice. Not sex practice. Practice to know if they are real or playahs.

Men can resemble baboons. Go to the zoo and observe them for a while to understand what goes on in a man's head. (s).

Remember the actions!!!!! Those are most important. Words are cheap.

2) If a man says, "You complete me", he is gay. Have him decorate your house. Or be your best friend. If you feel that way about him, go put on the white jacket and check yourself in. We are complete persons all by ourselves. The best love is one that makes you a better person without changing who you are and being yourself. Sometimes it requires a dog.

3) Sexy does not have to come with the price tag of being dumb or easy. But sex is fun. Dumb is bad.

4) Wait for that moment where a person you love doesn't cross your mind, they live in it. Be attentive to him and he should be attentive to you without you giving him a list or nagging. This means you or he are not an option, but the only choice on the menu and relish eat other. It's like food. Organic. Fresh. Not a garnish. Not dessert. The main course. You could live on the main course.

In reference to the first sentence...maybe all this means is he is a stalker or you are. Know the difference. Obsession is unhealthy and should only be saved for chocolate. Or wine. Wine is good. Lots of it.

Ok. Maybe Jamie is an exception.

5) You can tell a lot about the inside of a person by the outside. If they look a slob all the time, they are a slob in the house, in life, and have a tendency to be lazy. If they look like they just got out of prison, they probably did. Or they are a cop. Figure it out. Facial tattoos are a giveaway. They both like handcuffs for different purposes. Eek. That might get creepy.

6) If they are up and down, hot and cold-they probably suffer from depression or bi-polar disorder. Be careful. Sometimes men like to whisper in your ear. Listen to the words. They might be whispering hateful messages. If they are not nice to animals, or drive a white van, live in mommy's basement-they are a serial killer. Pay fucking attention.

7) Punt.  Don't settle. Be picky. And seek advice from someone who has a loving, long-lasting, and healthy relationship. I only know what happens when shit goes wrong. I have no idea what I am doing in the love department. Don't listen to me.


  1. Momma Fargo:
    "Feelosophy"...LOL...brilliant, dear.

    --Sounds like you have "men 101" down PAT...flies true to me.
    --"...Sometimes it requires a dog" (or two cats? A few squirrels?)
    --Yes...sexy AND smart wins the prize (for me).
    --Obsession for me is a huge gun or hobby shop...and unlimited credit..lol
    --Around the house...I', "bohemian casual" (whatever the hell that means)...but when the need arises, I DO wear proper attire...gitto for dining out. Look like a representative of your FAMILY and how THEY brought you up. That says a LOT to me.
    --I have my good days and bad...like most everyone, but I try NOT to dwell on them (they'll end in less than 24 hours anyway, and I get to start ALL over)
    --Again, I think you have a very good outlook on life, not in spite of the shit that came along...but BECAUSE of it.

    If it don't KILL 'ya..it makes 'ya STRONGER, right?
    You learn while others keep repeating themselves.

    Gotta admire that.

    Very good advice (esp. for MEN...HA!)

    Roll safe down there, dear.

  2. Prayer! I have wondered about prayer. Why do you have to do it? If God knows your every thought, why do you have to be so formal and/or humble? Just think it and, BAM, He’s got it.

    As for the boy/girl/birds/bees stuff. If I get to meet you, and get a hug greeting, and I step back and say, “Nice Tits!” are you going to be offended or not? Rest assured, no matter how much a man listens, cares, understands and/or commits, bone burring is still on his mind. He may be cool about it and wait weeks or months before the floppily flop happens, but it was all part of his strategy. Sex rules in a man’s mind. You may enter a room for a very important meeting that has dire consequences to the company, but every man in there will be thinking about how you would look naked and are you a screamer or moaner. If you put too much worry about the sex shit, then he will never fit into your dreams. Just know it and deal/counter as a lady would. He may stick around for the long haul.