Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Purge

As the world turns at the Harry Potter House, I have noticed spring must have sprung. The dogs are all on crack and it's all fun and games with them being full of spunk until they run and chase each other and land on your junk. They are heavy little meatballs. And cute.

I was a poet in another life. And a philosopher. If I say and write it enough times, it becomes so.

Yesterday was an experiment of sorts. I have regrets.

At 0924 EST, I am still sporting a migraine headache of epic magnitudes with pressure on my left eye. I contribute it to "A Day With Friends" and a scary food plan.

Breakfast: Yogurt, red delicious apple, 2 cups black coffee
Lunch: DQ Double Cheeseburger, Orange Julius-small, ice water
Snack: Yogurt, glass red wine
Dinner (or in the Midwest-SUPPER): Awesome Ohio Bacon Salsa Extra Hot with Tostitos corn chips=NONE of which were fresh or organic, One Leinenkugal's Summer Shandy.


Yeah. Egads.

My friends scoff at my lifestyle change and food plan. It's OK. I have gotten used to it. Most do not like my version of what I think the truth of matters is and I share it during some great conversations.

Like when I am scarfing down a DQ cheeseburger, discussing the benefits of coconut oil in small quantities. I did not bring it up. My friends talk about how wonderful it is. I think it is good and I like for meat and stir fries (but only a T-that's tablespoon as in ONE).

Most people think you need to eat it off the spoon. Or ingest it through the nose or use as lip balm. No. It's just an oil. Just like olive oil. I think all this wonder shit is bunk and soon some quack will be broadcasting coconut oil as a cure for cancer. Well, IV it away then. I myself will listen to my instincts that all in moderation and it might be great to put in soap and smear all over your ass as a lotion, but not clog up your arteries with too much in the diet.

We eat the cheeseburgers. Nom nom nom. Funny we were discussing coconut oil and herbs all while eating burger crack.

Why is fast food so great? Oh, the sugar! Crack in there.

Well, I learned another valuable lesson.

It took until 1057 EST to feel me again (without hands) and I missed church. I just finished a fresh stir fry for the next week's lunch and decided to throw in some spinach for a Popeye effect. However, I used fresh because canned is just gross.

Whew. That was a close one. I also felt last night I might have some butt explosions and long hours on the porcelain throne, but I was constipated. Until now.

How many pounds can be all stuck up in there? I don't even want to know and probably shouldn't even talk about it.

Not fun. And gross.

At least last night, I used my fire pit for the first time this year and needed it. The temp went from 80 to 40 in about an hour. Of course, I made the fire Wyoming style with a good accelerant called GASOLINE and put lots of twigs and logs and cardboard garbage to get it going. And one big stir stick. Why? Because FAHR is fascinating and fun!

Do you know how great it is to stare at fire for hours and drink a beer?


Therapy 101. That's all it takes. And cheap.

I told my neighbor to cut his crabapple tree so I could have firewood for next year. And he did. Wallah! Of course, I told him he should have had me help him before he got chain saw crazy because his cut job is quite scary. I apologized to the tree, hugged it, and asked forgiveness because that part of the trunk is going to look silly. However, it was a much needed shave. The branch was unhealthy and going to split the tree. Under much protest, Sheriff Mike cut it off and said..."well, that actually looks pretty good and will be easier to mow." Well, duh. I used to that stuff for a living. Hello.

Today, I am reevaluating my list of food items and gardening. I am excited to add some goodness to my already garden. Many may not know, I do not plow up a plot of land, but have gardened among my flowers, trees, and plants for years. It's green-and easy, and a good use of space. Plus, I like pretty all year round. So my gardens are not square and they don't look like the dessert in fall and winter.

I have had onions next to the grasses (cuz they look similar), potatoes with the yard ornaments on a hill, pumpkins, squash, and gourds in the compost pile ( all together-you never know what you might get), strawberries in the succulents, herbs by the lilies and bridle wreath spirea, peppers with the poppies (they both start with p) and tomatoes amongst the potted flowers in pots as well. Now to add more squash, carrots ( love them with dirt), radishes, and lettuce.

(trying to breathe after that sentence)

I would do beans, but my friend does a whole section of them and has overload, so I will get some from her. And I go to the farmer's markets and work the orchard for free fruit. Plus Sheriff Mike has apples also unless the neighbor kids steal them first. Those little bastards. And then there is the Amish market-much goodness abundances.

This month has been a lesson in groceries. Some things which will not be on my list: ORGANIC butter-$6.69 a pound. FMITA. I had to stare at that price tag for long moments to make sure it was correct. Shoot me now. I walked two steps to the right.

I opted for the bad processed butter (for Bug-yes, I poison my child) and decided to get the organic from the Amish at half the price. I also will be skipping some of the organic beef unless I want to donate a kidney. I did find bison at a cheaper price-$10.99 a pound. Bwahahaha! Yeah. Can you say ORGANIC chicken? That will all be well and good until McDonald's new buying procedures hit the market and chicken will be a food of kings and only a delicacy. I might become Vegan. Wait. No. That was a funny joke.

I gave Murphy a bath. Petting the poochies is therapy. I love Poodle hair when it is not shaved. It's so soft. I know. I sound like a creepy serial killer. He gets a shave next weekend. The lion cut.

Famous dog.

Anyway, I'm off to garden. I'm making Bug join me because she needs to get outside. And work. I hope it is a blister day. Those are often a sign of good work.

*cheesy smile*

Actually, I wear gloves because I am a princess. And smart. Smart gardening. 

1 comment:

  1. Momma Fargo:
    I've started to get my ass gardening...and I also wear gloves (not a princess,
    What I did NOT wear was something with LONG a nice scratch and a couple digs into my forearm...never knew it happened until I saw that red stuff on the arm.
    Oh well, another sexy scar time?

    I mowed the side lawn Sunday (EARLY AM) before the,local aborigines sleep off their drunk and/or high from Saturday.
    Easier for me, even with a 9mm on my hip...heh!
    (never take chances around the 'Fortress")
    Looks nice, but I can HEAR the dandelions poking through (thanks to the idiots around us that NEVER weed THEIR lawns).

    Gonna be a good week for the garden brigade (that's US, hon) between whatever rain we're supposed to get.

    Have a nice week & do roll safe down there, dear.