Monday, May 11, 2015

Kiss Those Butt Smelling Faces

I know non-animal or non-pet people will find me weird. That's OK. I'M WEIRD. I like myself that way. With or without pets. I think it's weird you have a NON in front of what describes you. Like you are NON-interesting. Wait. That might be UN. You could be UNNONymous people.

Anynonya, I am in lurve with my puppies. I think they are cute. I kiss their butt smelling faces. And often.

Like this nose. It belongs to Moose. He is my ADD, ADHD, ODD, OCD German Shorthair Pointer. He is dog on crack. He makes me smile. He chases the neighbors cat with murder death kill in his eyes and on his breath. The cat does not care until he is right up her ass. He eats like a Hoover vacuum and is getting so fat so I have to monitor his food. The others are piddle diddlers.

This is Olliver. He is our runt addition mini-Labra-double-doodle. Say that three times fast. His hair is soft and fluffy and it's therapy to pet him in a creepy serial killer way. He is sweet until you piss him off then he goes from 0 to bitch in 2.5 seconds. He likes to be pretty. He also thinks he is a cat. He doesn't eat much. I refer to him as Sasha Fierce.

Of course there is Murphy my protege. We refer to him as The Murphis, Murphman, Snuffy, and Chewie. He and I are exactly alike minus the hairy butt. I shave mine. Don't mess with my bone. I'm pretty laid back, but don't touch my bone. Not really. He lets the others steal it all the time. I am pretty sure after they run with it, he groans and says, "Ah. Well. What do you do?" Then he rolls over and finds something else to play with.

He is getting a haircut for summer. I might cry. It's his first cut. Maybe I should keep those first curls like mothers do when their babies get a haircut for the first time. That's kind of weird. I like him hairy but he's hot. Summer heat. I think he's the only man I like with back hair and butt crack hair. Not that I look at his butt crack because I don't.

I did notice his balls dropped, though, and now he is going to have to get those cut off. Not that I touched them. However, Bug did. She said they landed on her face and bounced on her cheek when they were wrestling. I turned up my nose on that one. What do you say when that happens? It's gross. And nasty. She screamed and ran to the bathroom.

He also chews up her panties.She asked why and I said it was because her vagina stinks. She did not like that answer. It was not long after that she took a shower. I didn't ask.

One of his tricks is not appealing and definitely embarrasses me if we have company. He pokes us in the butt in a herding action. It usually is to point us outside, to get his food, or upstairs at bedtime. I don't know. Perhaps it is a confused state between the labrador and the poodle nature in him. Not sure. He doesn't have any sheepdog, border collie, or Australian Shepherd in him. Weird.

He might be suited for a fraternity of some sort when he goes to college. Boys who steal panties become sex offenders. Well, not if they do it as a joke. If they do it to sniff the panties, then they are sickos. I have never seen a human boy chew panties. That would freak me out.

Not that frats are full of sex offenders, but they used to do pantie raids. At least I heard about it in college. Once. It was weird. Some of my friends who are boys might have been involved in that to embarrass the sorority girls. I was not a sorority girl. Back in the day, we called them sor-whore-ity girls. No offense to those who might be one. The ones at my college were kind of slutty. And snobby.

Although Murphy is a lot like me, I do not chew on panties, nor do I bounce my balls on people. I said he is "exactly" like me, but what I meant was the good things, like his docile nature.

I don't have any balls, actually, even though some think I might. I mean, I am a girl and I have girl parts and I look like a girl and I like to be a girl and I feel like a girl inside and outside... never mind. I also don't sniff crotches.

Besides all the crazy nonsense, pantie raiding, cat chasing, and house destruction...these guys are pure entertainment and love...

1 comment:

  1. Momma Fargo:
    And here I thought this would be something I might hear if I were BVISITZING your Harry Potter house...OMG-LOL!

    You sure "cut to the chase" with the dogs AND Bug, too...heh.
    Those are very nice dogs, male-bits notwithstanding.
    Must be fun to brush TWO of them.
    (I can;t even get the matted hair off our one cat...damn wooly-wallys)

    Roll safe down there,