Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Hard Wood Floors

Last night after my gym workout, I came home and settled down to a much deserved glass of red wine. My "one glass" might be a bit large, but it is still one. It wasn't long before Bug plopped down next to me. It was our time to watch "Dance Moms". Yes. I have no explanation why we have made this "a mother-daughter" thing. Those women are crazy and Abby is up and down and seems to say some pretty harsh things which makes me wonder why they stay? I think Holly is the most normal one. Bug said, "it's because she is a doctor."

Well.

Touche.

I know you are thinking right now. WTF? She watches Dance Moms? I don't know what to tell you. It's like a train wreck. You can't look away. It's ridiculous.



It used to be WWF then I got tired of it. Bug now watches that on her own. Now, it is Dance Moms. I'm trying to enjoy things my daughter enjoys so we can do it together, but this is killing me.  Well sort of, now I am into it. A little. It's like watching work only minus the cop intervention.

It was not long before she asked me a question...

"Mom, what does it mean when your carpet matches your drapes?"

At that particular moment, my reaction was to spit red wine everywhere and snort it up my nose.

*cough, cough, wheeze*

"Why do you ask that?"

"I heard it at school."

"It's in reference to interior decorating."

"No, it means something else."

"Ok. When used humorously, it refers to your body hair up there and down there."

"Oh. A boy asked my friend that question."

"Egads. You tell them that is none of their business."

"I did. But my friend told him yes. Does that mean she has red hair on top and bottom?"

TOO.MUCH.INFORMATION.

I did not need to picture ginger carpet and drapes.

"Uh. I guess."

"Does your carpet match your drapes, Mom?"

Again, red wine snorted up my nose.

"Are you OK, Mom?"

"Yep." (cough, wheeze)

"Well?"

"I have hard wood floors, honey."

"EwWWWWW. I did not need to know this!"

"You asked."

"Uh. I am lamed for life."

"You mean traumatized?"

"Yes! That too!"

1 comment:

  1. Momma Fargo:
    Wow...wonder WHY kids need to "know" such things at their age.
    Is it THAT important...and if so, WHY?
    "hard wood floors"...LMAO!

    Somehow, I am relieved you didn't say "marbled tile".

    :)

    Take care, don't snort anymore wine & roll safe down there, dear.

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