Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Cinnamon Constipation

This last week has been ODD to say the least. Still waiting to feel the surge of crack also known as B12 shots the doctor promised me. I don't know if I feel like I have more energy or less. I still do what I do. Maybe. I don't know. I just found out the price of those suckers and shat my pants. Good thing I met my deductible this year so they cost me $80 instead of $400.00 normal price. Egads!

And then there's next year. What can I do to reach my deductible then? Hahaha. Yeah.

I wish they had natural hot springs B12 pools all over the state so I could just dip myself in once a month.

Have no idea why except last night I must have been touched by angels with no common sense passing out a glow of stupid. The light shown (that is a past participle of show-which right here it is improper usage and the word of choice should be shined) down on me.

It was my lucky night. I was challenged to the cinnamon challenge. I never heard of it, so I just did it. Plus there was that part where I was told almost everyone has failed the test. Well, not me. I'm superior to those Internet bunglers.

Bug topped a heaping spoonful of cinnamon onto the biggest spoon she could find. I accepted it without hesitation. It was fine for about 6 seconds until the powder went up my nose, in my lungs, and lodged in my throat. I ran to the kitchen sink and let out several coughing poofs of discomfort and cinnamon dust. Then I hacked and hacked. Over the sink, of course. While reaching for water, I wheezed. Then I guzzled water and spit and tried to regain my composure. I needed one of those dentist mouth suction machines. Breathing was overrated. I did all this while laughing my ass off. Then I thought...am I having an asthma attack? Luckily I did not.

That shit was nasty.

So it ended up I was constipated in my throat and my butt. I mean, what substance does that at both ends at the same time?

The trick was to drink a glass of red wine afterward which seemed to bring me back to normal except for the constipation part in my butt.

In the middle of this, my brother called...

"What are you doing?"

"The cinnamon challenge. You ever done it?"

"No, I'm not that stupid."

"Nice."

"That's like three years old, you know."

"Never heard of it. Bug thought it was pretty funny. "

"You are a Loozah!"

"Yeah. Thanks. Related! You are Biggah Loozah for not trying it."

"Nope. Smarter."

I could not taunt him. He got all the smarts.

Our conversation continued but lost the interesting.

So...my advice...don't do that shit at home. You will die.


Then I read you really could die from it and get it in your lungs since it is essentially tree bark and Sri Lankans have gotten lung cancer, hair and weight loss from working in the factories which really got me worried because then I was thinking I was really really REALLY stupid. Whew. Breathe. But I will just hope and pray I didn't get enough in the lungs to cause lung cancer.

Getting ready for bed, I had a surge of cinnamon energy to clean the bathroom mirrors. It was not the B12, but the cinnamon.Yeah, really. I think it will replace my B12 shots and everyone should try it. Next month, I might snort it for faster ingestion.

So any energizerbunny, my cleaning towel got hooked on my nice Caldrea glass soap dispenser which slipped into the sink and continued traveling right through the bottom of the porcelain bowl. Yeah. LIKE. RIGHT. THROUGH. LIKE. BROKE. IT. Dead. BEYOND REPAIR.

Fuck me in the ass.

The porcelain was shattered and I could not even fix it with duct tape or all the silicone in the world. It was a $500.00 vanity with a fossil top. Yep. I checked on prices already.

There is a big ass 6 inch diameter hole in it.  I pretty much wanted to throw up. Not cinnamon, though, because it is not constipated in my throat any longer.


Have you tried brushing your teeth in the bathtub? It's not the best option with a broken neck. Additionally, I don't trust the kid to clean the tooth paste out of it so I said she had to go downstairs or spit in the toilet. I'm not sure what I will find when I get home.

The cinnamon really causes ass pain. My butt hurts really bad.

I just know I can't afford these mistakes.

Damn you, cinnamon!

4 comments:

  1. Momma Fargo:
    I cannot believe that YOU (of all people() fell for this.
    Thought you would have seen that video (and related stories AGES ago).
    In ANY event...if you NEED a dose of cinnamon, I make some killer "Irish potatoes"...(creak cheese, coconut and 10x sugar mixed together, and rolled in...(you guessed it)...CINNAMON.
    Goes great w/ a cup of coffee...hint, hint.
    (just sayin')

    BTW, instead of the B12 SHOTS...how's about B-12 capsules?
    (should be lots cheaper)

    Roll safe down thre.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, Bob. I fell for it. LMAO. I didn't look anything up but guessed it was due to the powder up your nose or burning sensation. I had no burning...just dust everywhere. Sometimes I resemble my blond roots. B12 capsules do not work, unfortunately. This year I can do the shots, but next year, we might have to skip them or get some other solutions which are creams, I guess, but much, much less effective and a pain to use all the time. Hopefully will have some ideas next visit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wonder if they have B 12 PATCHES???
      (that would seem effective)

      Delete
    2. It is okay to brush your teeth over the tub. I brush my teeth, shave, and pee in the shower. It beats bending over the sink to brush.

      Delete