Thursday, March 19, 2015

Bring In The Clowns

At 0400, at times, it seems The Moose needs to pee. And so we go out there in the darkness in my jammies, half awake, empty the dog bladder, and go inside. I'm aware it is dark. I'm aware the town is sleeping and I like the solitude at that time of day. I also have had no neighbors on the east side of my house for almost two years. The house just sold but they haven't moved in yet. Sheriff Mike said the man worked for the carnival and was a retired cop or "something." Bullshit. No cop works for the carnival. I told Sheriff Mike the dude was either fired or a wannabe cop. He told me to "relax" and that the dude had lived in town for a while. Relax, go to it! Yeah. Whatever. Anyway...I noticed the house next door was dark and empty still.

So...out we in my jammies, Moose in his German Shorthair Pointer attire.


I smelled cigarette and looked around, but didn't see anything. It could be Lord Farquaad. He usually puffs away on his porch and with the clear air, it sometimes carries over to me. It stinks, but I know it is him and I sometimes scare the shit out of him.

Moose really had to go.


"Hi! Do you ever go hunting with him? Pretty dog."

Holy batshit fuck me in the ass heart attack! The low, deep voice about sent me to Mars. I got complacent, the most deadly thing you can do.

"Uh. Thanks. Good morning." Now I am feeling buck assed naked in my jammies. Please, Cloak of Darkness swallow me up so no one can see my boobs dragging the ground. Boobs on the ground. Boobs on the ground. Why can't I be perky and small!?! Not that I was trying to impress the neighbor. I was just thinking I looked like Maxine.

"Good morning." He took another puff of his cigarette. "I'm thinkin' about going to get a German Shepherd and teachin' him some tricks for the circus. It's a lot of work, though."

"Cool. They are nice dogs." Note to self...get the pepper spray if he sends German Shepherd into attack the neighbor mode.

"What brings you to Indiana? I hear you moved here a couple years ago."

Damn realtors. They are worse than the beauty shop.

"It was either here or Albuquerque."

"Huh. Weird."

"Well, gotta get ready for work. Have a nice day!"

"You too."

Photo credit: Pinterest

What's the odds I would have a carny move in next door.

Yep. My luck.

Maybe I just need to think of it as work. Pure entertainment.

But I find them odd. His girlfriend is a nurse- pretty and thin. He is scruffy and reminds me of an under tall Al Pacino only not hot. Sheriff Mike has nary a clue about people. He thinks carnival people are just ordinary people working for a living. Yeah, right. I don't know. My experience with them is much darker and different.

I'm thinking Witness Protection Program.

What's the chances of two families in WITSEC being right next to each other? That's the fucking government for ya.



  1. And you laughed at all my Hicks neighbors at Swan Hill... LOL

  2. Don't ya just hate creepy, snoopy neighbors. If I were you I'd sneak in while he and nurse were gone and install cameras and mikes to see if they are sneaky or nosy.

  3. Hey Momma Fargo;

    So you have some "interesting neighbors". I have a sub station police station neighbor...the cops are called all the time with "domestics". I look out of my window and it looks like an episode of "Cops" outside.....Sheesh. Perhaps these neighbors will be ok.