Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Dog Boners and Cindy Crawford

The day started out brilliantly white with what I would call a skiff of snow, but Indiana labeled it as the start of another Snowmageddon. I think we have about 4 inches. Yesterday we were informed to watch for school delays and closing and register our cell phone for university alerts.

We got up at 4:30 AM as usual; the dogs' potty hour, not to be confused with the witching hour which is also a time I awake according to my Fitbit. However, I don't recall those moments so I can only imagine I am doing something creepy.

As the dogs discovered the new snow, you would have thought it was raining bacon. Murphy looked like he had fallen head first into a pile of it and found snow was the ultimate dog boner.

Simulated Murphy: Pinterest


Moose played and romped and pooped, then had enough of that and sought life in the Harry Potter house where it was warm. Murphy had to be forced into the house.

I sat and drank my morning coffee after I got ready for work, watching the local news. As I was savoring my fifth or so sip of java, a screech from above startled me. Stomping soon followed and I was greeted by the teenager. 
Simulated Bug Incident
Of course, the above picture is photoshopped for dramatic effect. I said, "Nice look you got going on, Cindy Crawford." She did not understand, but was screaming (loud off road driving outburst) about her black boob and face. I said as I was scratching the side of my nose, "You have a little something right here." She was still not impressed and asked what she should do about her shirt. I said, "Well, you could mole your way to the wash machine and shout it out with mole remover."

Stomp, stomp, stomp. 

She sprayed Shout on it and yelled at me to come look at it. I looked in on her and noticed the shirt with mascara and asked, "What's the big deal?"

"Mom, do you think it is taking it out?"

"Uh, no. You need to wash it. You are not going to be able to wear that today."

"But, Mom, I had this specifically picked out."

"Well, if you want to wear it like that, go ahead. I don't need any Mole-odramatics."

"Mom! This is serious!"

"Yes, dear. You have a little something....right...here." Again, I scratched the side of my nose. The teenager was not impressed. I really couldn't blame her, it was like overdone, but I couldn't help it. I departed to work after learning she had a two hour delay because of snow. Yes, 4 inches. It made me laugh and recall days in Wyoming when a real Snowmageddon occurred and school was never canceled. Well, maybe... once... in the 12 years she went to daycare and school there. They didn't even close preschools or daycares. 

About an hour into work, I received a call from Bug stating school was closed for the day. I wasn't surprised.

"Good deal. Now you can do those dishes I asked you to do last night and laundry. The house should be clean when I get home including your room."

"Ok. Do I get rewarded?"

"Yes, you are rewarded as a good child from heaven."

"Mom! This sucks! My life is full of disappointments."

"Oh, the drama, Cindy, you have a knack. You should become a Thespian. Let me sing to you...Good molening! Good molening! It's time to rise and shine! Wait...something better... Cornmolio!"

"Mom! I don't have the mascara on my face anymore! You can't call me that. I'm not a lesbian. And stop making fun of my face. That's not funny."

"Honey, a Thespian is not a lesbian. A Thespian is an actor or someone in drama. I would love you the same if you were a lesbian."

"I'm not a lesbian! Uh. You don't understand. It was horrible to have my outfit ruined."

"Ok. Have a great day! I love you! I'm going to go take care of the varmints here and mole my way to my appointments! I will call it a mole sashay...and...squirrel...and two...and three...and mole...and two and three...and rat!"

The phone disconnected only to ring about 30 minutes later...

"Mom. Do you think they will cancel school tomorrow? There was a lot of wrecks. The dogs are crazy. Murphy is wild. Moose is driving me nuts. I love you. "

"I love you. Yes, you will have school tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yes. Are you going to call me every five minutes?"

"It was a half hour. I love you! Bye!"

*head desk*

6 comments:

  1. :) Can Bug come visit me for a couple of weeks this summer? I need some hugs and laughs!

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  2. You should have told bug, "I can get rid of that spot." Then take the scissors and cut it out.

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  3. You need a "candid camera" cam to document your mornings.

    And a "game cam" with a time date/stamp for your unknown nocturnal adventures.

    Bill

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  4. Tennessee Grammie...why sure.. a couple, 4, 6, 10 what's the difference? LOL

    Coffeypot....Yes, right before the cops came to get me for illegal doctor practices. :D

    Bill...I know, right? How about a go-pro on the head, a game camera in the room and hallway?

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  5. Momma Fargo:
    ROFLMAO...you just CAN-NOT make this stuff up...!
    This is better than most ALL the sit-coms on TV today...no sh*t!
    Okay...stay with me on this...
    NEXT book you write...make it about PARENTING!!!
    (a guaranteed hit straight outta the park)

    Just a thought, Kiddo.

    Roll safe & stay warm down here.

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  6. Hey Momma Fargo

    that is entertaining....Like Bob G stated, you could write a book on the material that Bug gives you......and no writers block...real life provides it..and you just document it...Just an idea

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